Two years after poking my head out of a previous two year hiatus... I'm here to stay.
New format coming.
No more rants.
Ok, lots more rants.
Happy last September ever, if you believe in the misreading of Mayan calendars.
-GR
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Biggest Weatherman in the Business
Did Pete Bouchard really mean to say he's packin' heat on the weather? He claims he was referring to a camera angle... but the creepy face made during the 9" reference... leads one to think he did what any guy would do, given the opportunity:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/20/pete-bouchard-the-biggest_n_429971.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/20/pete-bouchard-the-biggest_n_429971.html
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Cruisin' for a bruisin'
On my ride home the other night, I noticed an unusually high number of police out patrolling both the main roads and the side roads-- which reminded me that it is indeed drunk driving season. I like to keep my posts, but I'm dedicating this one to those that we love and have lost needlessly, or have had their lives adversely affected by someone who, for lack of a better term, fucked up royally.
I've lost two of my great friends to drunk driving accidents.... so this is an issue that hits home more than most others. What I want to know is, why is it that we drive when intoxicated? In keeping with my theme of lists for this week, here is a list of the top ten types of DUI risks... strap on your seatbelt for this one:
#10 - The Lightweight
We all know this type. The lightweight is someone who is easily and heavily affected by any sort of substance, be it drugs or alcohol... be it due to genetics, metabolism, or lack of tolerance-- you've seen this kid at a party having two beers and pissing his pants... or the girl who took one shot and showed the world her goods. They drive home because they're too embarrassed to admit they're wasted after a drink or two. Let them know that they are lightweights, and save the heavy weight of tragedy from their shoulders, and yours.
#9 - The Old Schooler
He was in WWII. He's got purple hearts, drives a Buick, Cadillac, Lincoln or other large American rear wheel drive sedan. He likes golf, football, and the old days when coffee and blowjobs were a penny... for both! This type will most likely avoid bars and parties, but drinks often at VFWs, at home, or at a local restaurant with other old timers. They drink Gin and Tonic, Rob Roys, and Gimlets... lots of them. They come from a time when Marijuana was that Mexican maid that they fathered illegitimate children with, and women couldn't vote. Add some senility into the mix, and these big boats on the road become the USS Constitution. Keep an eye out for these guys around 4 to 9 PM.
#8 - Girls Night
Peach Cosmos, Appletinis, Smirnoff Ice and Bud Light w/ lime. They're at the club without their boyfriends cause they just gotta DANCE. Age 21-30, unmarried, starting their careers. Some fall in the lightweight category, some are responsible smart girls who just don't want to look like a prude around their friends. Saab convertibles, Volkswagen Cabrios, Ford Rangers. Friday night after work or Saturday night after last call... if you hear Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" blasting out of that car going the wrong way, forget about believin', Don't Stop Runnin'!
#7 - Football Dad
Married with multiple children, at the game with his old college roommates or hometown buddies... getting away from domestic life for the day. He starts tailgating at 10, drinking at 11. By the time the game is out, he's 12 deep and has pissed on his leg, and has already Febreezed himself countless times so that wifey won't smell it. Budweiser, Coors, Miller, or Rolling Rock. Drives a Honda Odyssey minivan, Ford Explorer or Nissan Murano. Watch out Sunday nights after 11, especially around Rt. 1 in Foxboro. Don't let the last touchdown become your last touchdown, buddy.
#6 - College Kids
'Nuff said... we've all been there. Weeknights, skipping class the next day, 30 rack in the backseat, and a box of rubbers that are about to expire. These guys go on booze cruises on land, and don't stop till they crash or get arrested. Keystone Light, Busch, Milwaukee's Best... Listening to O.A.R. and Dispatch, driving whatever Mom or Dad handed them down. Toyota Camry and/or Corolla are suspect. Anytime is a risk, just look out for the bumper sticker that proclaims their love for Miller Time. Dumbfuck.
#5 - Foreign Drinkers
Good, hardworking guys who come from another land where traffic laws and alcohol attitudes are different. After a long day at an entry-level gig, who doesn't deserve a few cold ones? Unfortunately, these guys may have not adjusted to our rules of the road-- I don't fault them for that, but, it's a reality. Look out for a landscaping or construction truck, or white van... sometime after 8 PM. Drinks Heineken, Corona or Budweiser. You make our country great, don't ruin your family's opportunity.
#4 - Alcoholic Parents
Kids drive you to drink... this I understand. The issue is, don't put the kids at risk because you're stressed out. You drink at home either while the kids are gone at school or after dinner when they're home. You drink a bottle of wine at dinner for health reasons. Then you pick up your kids at soccer or drop them off for activities, and sometimes drive onto the curb. Nicer cars, BMW 5 series, Toyota Avalon, Nissan Maxima. Out during the daytime... identifiable by magnetic soccer balls and fake "window crashing" baseballs stuck onto their nice cars. Score a goal for everyone, get the neighbor to drive your kids there (their kids are always eating your food anyways, right?).
#3 - Date Night
You went to Top of the Hub with your new interest, and wanted to get some. You wanted to loosen up. She got tipsy... mission accomplished. Unfortunately, to avoid looking like a creep, you drank with her, and won't admit that you're too fucked up to drive. Seriously? Get a hotel room, look like a big spender, and have some pornstar sex. Don't kill her. Drinks anything she likes, drives a car that you can identify by its meticulous detail job done that afternoon. Weekends after 9 PM. Don't strike out that way.
#2 - The Classic Drunk
He can parallel park his car at home after downing a liter of Grey Goose-- fabulous. He's been drunk since your parents were conceived. He keeps the local economy afloat by frequenting the local watering holes daily. He's not a drunk driver, everyone else is... he's just a driver who drinks. Listen up, buddy. You kill more people than everyone except #1. You can parallel park at home because you leave enough space ahead of time you asshole. Get a job or a hobby, and call a cab. Identifiable by multiple dents by all those "asshole drivers" who hit his car allegedly the other night and didn't leave a name. Time is unpredictable.
#1 - High School Party
You're too young to drink but your buddy's sister or brother got it for you cause it's a party this weekend. You have 3 or 4 beers every party but this time you got really hammered. You're not legal to drink so you won't call a cab. You don't have a job so you can't pay for one. You're driving mom and dad's car and they need it back in the AM. You can't stay at the party cause the cops are on their way, and you don't want to be in the paper. You drive drunk to impress your buddies at how fast you can go with your eyes closed. You're scared the whole ride home but do it anyways. Listen, kid. I've been there. You've been there. Most of us have. High School drinking is a rite of passage, and I'm not telling you to not have a few at the party-- go right ahead. Our drinking age is 21 for reasons other than keeping you from having a good time... but it doesn't mean that you can act like these other losers from #10 to #2. You still suck at driving sober, so don't bother. If you don't die, your buddy might, or you might kill someone else... or more likely, get caught and be fucked for a good chunk of your adult life. Seeing your best friend, or anyone your age in a coffin is a fucked up sight, and it really puts your life in perspective. I really hope you never get to see that... and I really hope to never see you on the road like that.
Prom is for sex, not death. So go get laid (wear a condom)... and don't drink and drive.
Peace, love and a happy Memorial Day Weekend.
-GR
Rest In Peace - Rhys and Pablo. Miss you both every day.
How can you tell that a girl was Bob Dole's intern?
By all the scribbles on her back!
I've lost two of my great friends to drunk driving accidents.... so this is an issue that hits home more than most others. What I want to know is, why is it that we drive when intoxicated? In keeping with my theme of lists for this week, here is a list of the top ten types of DUI risks... strap on your seatbelt for this one:
#10 - The Lightweight
We all know this type. The lightweight is someone who is easily and heavily affected by any sort of substance, be it drugs or alcohol... be it due to genetics, metabolism, or lack of tolerance-- you've seen this kid at a party having two beers and pissing his pants... or the girl who took one shot and showed the world her goods. They drive home because they're too embarrassed to admit they're wasted after a drink or two. Let them know that they are lightweights, and save the heavy weight of tragedy from their shoulders, and yours.
#9 - The Old Schooler
He was in WWII. He's got purple hearts, drives a Buick, Cadillac, Lincoln or other large American rear wheel drive sedan. He likes golf, football, and the old days when coffee and blowjobs were a penny... for both! This type will most likely avoid bars and parties, but drinks often at VFWs, at home, or at a local restaurant with other old timers. They drink Gin and Tonic, Rob Roys, and Gimlets... lots of them. They come from a time when Marijuana was that Mexican maid that they fathered illegitimate children with, and women couldn't vote. Add some senility into the mix, and these big boats on the road become the USS Constitution. Keep an eye out for these guys around 4 to 9 PM.
#8 - Girls Night
Peach Cosmos, Appletinis, Smirnoff Ice and Bud Light w/ lime. They're at the club without their boyfriends cause they just gotta DANCE. Age 21-30, unmarried, starting their careers. Some fall in the lightweight category, some are responsible smart girls who just don't want to look like a prude around their friends. Saab convertibles, Volkswagen Cabrios, Ford Rangers. Friday night after work or Saturday night after last call... if you hear Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" blasting out of that car going the wrong way, forget about believin', Don't Stop Runnin'!
#7 - Football Dad
Married with multiple children, at the game with his old college roommates or hometown buddies... getting away from domestic life for the day. He starts tailgating at 10, drinking at 11. By the time the game is out, he's 12 deep and has pissed on his leg, and has already Febreezed himself countless times so that wifey won't smell it. Budweiser, Coors, Miller, or Rolling Rock. Drives a Honda Odyssey minivan, Ford Explorer or Nissan Murano. Watch out Sunday nights after 11, especially around Rt. 1 in Foxboro. Don't let the last touchdown become your last touchdown, buddy.
#6 - College Kids
'Nuff said... we've all been there. Weeknights, skipping class the next day, 30 rack in the backseat, and a box of rubbers that are about to expire. These guys go on booze cruises on land, and don't stop till they crash or get arrested. Keystone Light, Busch, Milwaukee's Best... Listening to O.A.R. and Dispatch, driving whatever Mom or Dad handed them down. Toyota Camry and/or Corolla are suspect. Anytime is a risk, just look out for the bumper sticker that proclaims their love for Miller Time. Dumbfuck.
#5 - Foreign Drinkers
Good, hardworking guys who come from another land where traffic laws and alcohol attitudes are different. After a long day at an entry-level gig, who doesn't deserve a few cold ones? Unfortunately, these guys may have not adjusted to our rules of the road-- I don't fault them for that, but, it's a reality. Look out for a landscaping or construction truck, or white van... sometime after 8 PM. Drinks Heineken, Corona or Budweiser. You make our country great, don't ruin your family's opportunity.
#4 - Alcoholic Parents
Kids drive you to drink... this I understand. The issue is, don't put the kids at risk because you're stressed out. You drink at home either while the kids are gone at school or after dinner when they're home. You drink a bottle of wine at dinner for health reasons. Then you pick up your kids at soccer or drop them off for activities, and sometimes drive onto the curb. Nicer cars, BMW 5 series, Toyota Avalon, Nissan Maxima. Out during the daytime... identifiable by magnetic soccer balls and fake "window crashing" baseballs stuck onto their nice cars. Score a goal for everyone, get the neighbor to drive your kids there (their kids are always eating your food anyways, right?).
#3 - Date Night
You went to Top of the Hub with your new interest, and wanted to get some. You wanted to loosen up. She got tipsy... mission accomplished. Unfortunately, to avoid looking like a creep, you drank with her, and won't admit that you're too fucked up to drive. Seriously? Get a hotel room, look like a big spender, and have some pornstar sex. Don't kill her. Drinks anything she likes, drives a car that you can identify by its meticulous detail job done that afternoon. Weekends after 9 PM. Don't strike out that way.
#2 - The Classic Drunk
He can parallel park his car at home after downing a liter of Grey Goose-- fabulous. He's been drunk since your parents were conceived. He keeps the local economy afloat by frequenting the local watering holes daily. He's not a drunk driver, everyone else is... he's just a driver who drinks. Listen up, buddy. You kill more people than everyone except #1. You can parallel park at home because you leave enough space ahead of time you asshole. Get a job or a hobby, and call a cab. Identifiable by multiple dents by all those "asshole drivers" who hit his car allegedly the other night and didn't leave a name. Time is unpredictable.
#1 - High School Party
You're too young to drink but your buddy's sister or brother got it for you cause it's a party this weekend. You have 3 or 4 beers every party but this time you got really hammered. You're not legal to drink so you won't call a cab. You don't have a job so you can't pay for one. You're driving mom and dad's car and they need it back in the AM. You can't stay at the party cause the cops are on their way, and you don't want to be in the paper. You drive drunk to impress your buddies at how fast you can go with your eyes closed. You're scared the whole ride home but do it anyways. Listen, kid. I've been there. You've been there. Most of us have. High School drinking is a rite of passage, and I'm not telling you to not have a few at the party-- go right ahead. Our drinking age is 21 for reasons other than keeping you from having a good time... but it doesn't mean that you can act like these other losers from #10 to #2. You still suck at driving sober, so don't bother. If you don't die, your buddy might, or you might kill someone else... or more likely, get caught and be fucked for a good chunk of your adult life. Seeing your best friend, or anyone your age in a coffin is a fucked up sight, and it really puts your life in perspective. I really hope you never get to see that... and I really hope to never see you on the road like that.
Prom is for sex, not death. So go get laid (wear a condom)... and don't drink and drive.
Peace, love and a happy Memorial Day Weekend.
-GR
Rest In Peace - Rhys and Pablo. Miss you both every day.
How can you tell that a girl was Bob Dole's intern?
By all the scribbles on her back!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Pa' la playa!!
A happy pre-summer day to all! The beautiful weather has got this sun lover wondering what sorts of beaches will come this year. I, for one, plan to soak up the 88 degree sun tomorrow on the shore. "Shore enough" this topic always brings up debate over where the best beach is in New England... here's my top five, and reasons why-- however, this is a marketplace of ideas, not a dictatorship-- so please sound off on your favorite beaches and why. The most popular beaches will be visited and included in my beach review series coming this summer. So crack open a cold one, grab your favorite book or beach toys and get out the cocoa butter-- it's about to get sunny in here.
GR's top 5 beaches in New England:
#5 - Hampton Beach, Hampton, NH
I'm going to pre-empt you all by saying that yes, I am fully aware of the fact that Hampton is not known for its class or its cleanliness (although the filth prize goes to its southern neighbor, Salisbury). Hampton's not about that. Hampton beach is where you go with friends to get a good summer buzz on, blast the tunes on your 90's boom box, and go mullet watching [believe me, there are some life-altering mullets to be seen here]. I love to get a caravan of friends and a cooler full of good times and spend a couple days at Hampton... if you come home without a crooked freehand tattoo or an STD of your choosing, it was a successful trip.
#4 - Misquamicut Beach, Westerly, RI
Misquamicut is known for its gnarly traffic jams and pricey parking come summertime-- however, it's for good reason. Rhode Island beaches have beautiful sand and much warmer water than anywhere else in New England. The waves are usually mild enough to take a dip, and there is fantastic seafood all around-- grab a lobster roll @ Seafood Haven, no mayo. Grilled lobster on a buttered roll with a cold Corona = happy times.
#3 - Marconi Beach, Wellfleet, MA
For ocean purists who want to see pristine wetlands, gorgeous clean (and freezing cold) water, and the smell of flowers will love this gem on the outskirts of the Cape. It's a haul, and there's nothing to do there-- but for a romantic weekend away, this is the place.
#2 - Scarborough State Beach, Scarborough, RI
Scarborough can be just as busy as Misquamicut in the summer, but is a little bit closer to home for me. The water's warmer than Misquamicut, and is more family-friendly than Misquamicut on weekends. A better alternative, especially when stuck in traffic on a 100 degree summer day and you see that exit.
#1 - Horseneck State Beach, Westport, MA
Off the beaten path (it takes 10 miles once you get off the highway on a narrow 2-lane rt. 88 to get there), gorgeous sand and bird refuges... let us not forget the wonderful surf and harbor behind it. Horseneck is my #1 go-to beach for a day of chilling out and catching rays. Even in the off season, it maintains its beauty. I'm always a fan of state parks because they are better maintained and generally cleaner than other beaches. Horseneck is a place only second to Hampton for seeing someone I know (because we all are in on the secret about this place). The crowds are never unbearable, and the parking is a reasonable price in-season. If you're in Boston or Worcester, it's a quick hour-and-some-change shot down south. The south coast of Massachusetts will not let you down.
With that, please share your favorite beaches-- and if you see the Passion to Burn crew there this summer, let them know you posted and you'll get a free PTB t-shirt!
Keep the sand between your toes... - GR
Puns of the day:
I have been to Hawaii, the dirty old man said.
"Which island?" the lady replied.
"ComeonIwannaLayYa"
What do fish sing when they play baseball in the ocean?
"Cod Bless America"
Also... to keep with the nautical theme... my new favorite SNL short !
GR's top 5 beaches in New England:
#5 - Hampton Beach, Hampton, NH
I'm going to pre-empt you all by saying that yes, I am fully aware of the fact that Hampton is not known for its class or its cleanliness (although the filth prize goes to its southern neighbor, Salisbury). Hampton's not about that. Hampton beach is where you go with friends to get a good summer buzz on, blast the tunes on your 90's boom box, and go mullet watching [believe me, there are some life-altering mullets to be seen here]. I love to get a caravan of friends and a cooler full of good times and spend a couple days at Hampton... if you come home without a crooked freehand tattoo or an STD of your choosing, it was a successful trip.
#4 - Misquamicut Beach, Westerly, RI
Misquamicut is known for its gnarly traffic jams and pricey parking come summertime-- however, it's for good reason. Rhode Island beaches have beautiful sand and much warmer water than anywhere else in New England. The waves are usually mild enough to take a dip, and there is fantastic seafood all around-- grab a lobster roll @ Seafood Haven, no mayo. Grilled lobster on a buttered roll with a cold Corona = happy times.
#3 - Marconi Beach, Wellfleet, MA
For ocean purists who want to see pristine wetlands, gorgeous clean (and freezing cold) water, and the smell of flowers will love this gem on the outskirts of the Cape. It's a haul, and there's nothing to do there-- but for a romantic weekend away, this is the place.
#2 - Scarborough State Beach, Scarborough, RI
Scarborough can be just as busy as Misquamicut in the summer, but is a little bit closer to home for me. The water's warmer than Misquamicut, and is more family-friendly than Misquamicut on weekends. A better alternative, especially when stuck in traffic on a 100 degree summer day and you see that exit.
#1 - Horseneck State Beach, Westport, MA
Off the beaten path (it takes 10 miles once you get off the highway on a narrow 2-lane rt. 88 to get there), gorgeous sand and bird refuges... let us not forget the wonderful surf and harbor behind it. Horseneck is my #1 go-to beach for a day of chilling out and catching rays. Even in the off season, it maintains its beauty. I'm always a fan of state parks because they are better maintained and generally cleaner than other beaches. Horseneck is a place only second to Hampton for seeing someone I know (because we all are in on the secret about this place). The crowds are never unbearable, and the parking is a reasonable price in-season. If you're in Boston or Worcester, it's a quick hour-and-some-change shot down south. The south coast of Massachusetts will not let you down.
With that, please share your favorite beaches-- and if you see the Passion to Burn crew there this summer, let them know you posted and you'll get a free PTB t-shirt!
Keep the sand between your toes... - GR
Puns of the day:
I have been to Hawaii, the dirty old man said.
"Which island?" the lady replied.
"ComeonIwannaLayYa"
What do fish sing when they play baseball in the ocean?
"Cod Bless America"
Also... to keep with the nautical theme... my new favorite SNL short !
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
How far we've come!
Avast! Arrrgh, it be the pirate blogger... back from the murky depths of the offline world. No, really, it has been over half a year since I've kept my promise to readers that I would maintain this blog. But, the shipwreck of unemployment has washed me ashore. Yes, I walked the career plank... my job got scurvy... my paycheck was plundered. Argh, it is true. To any of the readers who know the author, I shall save you the painfully repetetive regurgitation of how it went down. Let's just say I am now on month #3 of no job, and it's gotten me wondering-- which is worse-- Working or Not Working?
Now, now, before all of you EMPLOYED types (yeah, you know who you are!) start spouting off about how great it must be to collect benefits while sitting at home eating bon bons and reading trashy magazines. I ask that you take an open minded and open hearted, fair and balanced (not FOX-style) look at the pro's and con's of employment vs. unemployment. Let us begin:
Employment = Steady Paycheck - Commuting Costs
Unemployment = Steady Paycheck - 40% of what you used to make
Winner: Unemployment if Commuting cost more than 40% of your disposable income.
Employment = Social network of talented professionals, upward mobility
Unemployment = Finding something to do on that Monday night... and the next Monday...
Winner: Employment, hands down.
Employment = Keeping your mind sharp doing many tasks with deadlines
Unemployment = Keeping your mind sharp enjoying books, articles, and job searches
Winner: Unemployment.
Employment = Hitting on coworkers with risk of sexual harassment lawsuit(s)
Unemployment = Hitting on other peoples' coworkers with risk of trespassing charge(s)
Winner: Unemployment.
Employment = Dissatisfaction with your current rung on the career ladder.
Unemployment = Dissatisfaction with having fallen off the career ladder.
Winner: Employment
Yes, I'm being facetious... clearly employment is better than unemployment. But it's almost Summer, and the job market is as healthy as Keith Richards' diet of cigarettes, vodka and cocaine... so to all of you who are newly unemployed, not-so-newly unemployed, or expect to be unemployed soon... rejoice! At least we can get paid to write crappy blogs.
Until tomorrow (now you know I don't have an excuse)...
Pun of the Day:
Where do pirates relax after a long day?
In their ARRRmchair!!
Some said that Barack Obama would be president "when pigs fly"... behold-- 100 days into his presidency, Swine Flu!!
"Remember two things- love your mother, and leave nothing but footprints"
Now, now, before all of you EMPLOYED types (yeah, you know who you are!) start spouting off about how great it must be to collect benefits while sitting at home eating bon bons and reading trashy magazines. I ask that you take an open minded and open hearted, fair and balanced (not FOX-style) look at the pro's and con's of employment vs. unemployment. Let us begin:
Employment = Steady Paycheck - Commuting Costs
Unemployment = Steady Paycheck - 40% of what you used to make
Winner: Unemployment if Commuting cost more than 40% of your disposable income.
Employment = Social network of talented professionals, upward mobility
Unemployment = Finding something to do on that Monday night... and the next Monday...
Winner: Employment, hands down.
Employment = Keeping your mind sharp doing many tasks with deadlines
Unemployment = Keeping your mind sharp enjoying books, articles, and job searches
Winner: Unemployment.
Employment = Hitting on coworkers with risk of sexual harassment lawsuit(s)
Unemployment = Hitting on other peoples' coworkers with risk of trespassing charge(s)
Winner: Unemployment.
Employment = Dissatisfaction with your current rung on the career ladder.
Unemployment = Dissatisfaction with having fallen off the career ladder.
Winner: Employment
Yes, I'm being facetious... clearly employment is better than unemployment. But it's almost Summer, and the job market is as healthy as Keith Richards' diet of cigarettes, vodka and cocaine... so to all of you who are newly unemployed, not-so-newly unemployed, or expect to be unemployed soon... rejoice! At least we can get paid to write crappy blogs.
Until tomorrow (now you know I don't have an excuse)...
Pun of the Day:
Where do pirates relax after a long day?
In their ARRRmchair!!
Some said that Barack Obama would be president "when pigs fly"... behold-- 100 days into his presidency, Swine Flu!!
"Remember two things- love your mother, and leave nothing but footprints"
Monday, October 13, 2008
Crash and Burn // by Passion to Burn
A happy Columbus Day to you all, readers! That is, if you want to celebrate an imperial rapist, cultural murderer and quite possibly the recipient of the most improperly lauded human being in history award. That being said, he's my namesake and I wouldn't be here without his mistake and conquest of native peoples. So thanks, Christopher C., for finding "India".
I've been busy cause I started working in Worcester. This means -- brace yourselves -- NO MORE MBTA! NO more train NO more traffic. Yes, my life is now on the upswing, friends. So, in honor of the city of dreams in which I now work, here's my top 10 best things about working in Worcester (until I have time for my EXTENDED rant coming tomorrow):
10. Parking between cars parked in front of meters = no ticket, and there are tons of these spots.
9. The only drive-thru Starbucks around (shout out to you, Mark!)
8. Homeless people in Worcester... actually homeless. No fakers here, folks.
7. Main South -- the part of town that scares you even when Halloween is out of season!
6. Tortilla Sam's - Best deal in organic and delicious Mexican inspired treats.
5. Ralph's Diner - Best burgers, beer, and live music all week long.
4. Via Italian Table - Hoping to make this great place a weekly after work tradition.
3. Real Estate - Maybe I can buy a condo for less than $100k in this down market.
2. I-290 - No traffic, no real destination. My kind of highway!
1. Gas at 2.96 a gallon!!!
__ Pun of the day__
What sort of grades to Pirate children get in school?
a: HIGH C's!!
I've been busy cause I started working in Worcester. This means -- brace yourselves -- NO MORE MBTA! NO more train NO more traffic. Yes, my life is now on the upswing, friends. So, in honor of the city of dreams in which I now work, here's my top 10 best things about working in Worcester (until I have time for my EXTENDED rant coming tomorrow):
10. Parking between cars parked in front of meters = no ticket, and there are tons of these spots.
9. The only drive-thru Starbucks around (shout out to you, Mark!)
8. Homeless people in Worcester... actually homeless. No fakers here, folks.
7. Main South -- the part of town that scares you even when Halloween is out of season!
6. Tortilla Sam's - Best deal in organic and delicious Mexican inspired treats.
5. Ralph's Diner - Best burgers, beer, and live music all week long.
4. Via Italian Table - Hoping to make this great place a weekly after work tradition.
3. Real Estate - Maybe I can buy a condo for less than $100k in this down market.
2. I-290 - No traffic, no real destination. My kind of highway!
1. Gas at 2.96 a gallon!!!
__ Pun of the day__
What sort of grades to Pirate children get in school?
a: HIGH C's!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
When it rains, it pours.
Happy Thursday, everyone! Except it was anything but. After fighting with my pillows like it was the end of WWII, I finally got a few hours of sleep, enough for me to get my ass into work to feel like I was in a time warp. The voice on the T, practically there to announce every stop along my day. 3 hated things of the day: Banks, Vandals and Wind.
Banks-- I have yet to find one with a reasonable fee schedule and useful hours. The system is against us because for all intents and purposes, we will need to put our money in a bank somehow in order to use it... yet the banks operate with the sole motive of making money off of our money, or us individually. It's the plight of the working man to have to be raped by business continually through life.
Vandals-- Some asshole keyed my car today (in the T parking lot, nonetheless). Rest assured, my peaceful ways and beliefs would have quickly been forgotten had I caught them in the act. If I find you, I'm gonna fucking beat you into the stone age for hurting my car!
Wind-- It's cold, makes things blow out of your hand, and makes a noise in your ears that you can't really conrol. I know, I know... it's nature blah blah blah-- no fucking wind today, please!!
That's enough, I'm gonna go buy some gas with my Bank card, so that I can drive my car that got Keyed to work tomorrow, hopefully without too much Wind blowing me around the highway.
PUNS OF THE DAY:
-Nothing worse than when a tire store has a BLOWOUT sale (saw that ad a few weeks back).
-Romance has MAN in it, yet is considered a woman's domain.
-Why was the pirate captain drafted to play for the Celtics? He had an incredible hook shot!!
Banks-- I have yet to find one with a reasonable fee schedule and useful hours. The system is against us because for all intents and purposes, we will need to put our money in a bank somehow in order to use it... yet the banks operate with the sole motive of making money off of our money, or us individually. It's the plight of the working man to have to be raped by business continually through life.
Vandals-- Some asshole keyed my car today (in the T parking lot, nonetheless). Rest assured, my peaceful ways and beliefs would have quickly been forgotten had I caught them in the act. If I find you, I'm gonna fucking beat you into the stone age for hurting my car!
Wind-- It's cold, makes things blow out of your hand, and makes a noise in your ears that you can't really conrol. I know, I know... it's nature blah blah blah-- no fucking wind today, please!!
That's enough, I'm gonna go buy some gas with my Bank card, so that I can drive my car that got Keyed to work tomorrow, hopefully without too much Wind blowing me around the highway.
PUNS OF THE DAY:
-Nothing worse than when a tire store has a BLOWOUT sale (saw that ad a few weeks back).
-Romance has MAN in it, yet is considered a woman's domain.
-Why was the pirate captain drafted to play for the Celtics? He had an incredible hook shot!!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The first time's always the best
I used to Livejournal, but it felt too much like opening my heart up to cyberspace... so I figured "hey, why not just start a regular blog?" So I did. Only this time-- less personal emotions, more observations and bitching. So let's get going.
Today was one of those odd days, the moon's no longer full and everything is just half-cocked crazy instead of teen-wolf howling crazy. I felt like I was observing a lot of things in a more critical way today, but it could just be that it's "hump day" and the week is wearing me out. Either way, I noticed some things... be my sounding board, please-- tell me if I'm out of line.
First off, I despise public transportation. Not the concept, or even the actual ride itself. It's the other people that bother me. I guess you could say I LOVE "mass transit" but HATE "public transportation" as a casualty of semantics. The reality is, no matter what you call it, I can't fucking stand people on their way to wherever it is they go in the morning. Sour faces, too much coffee and cologne stinking up the train, and of course the odd guy who smells like they rolled out of that wet spot under a hospital dumpster (but that guy seems to turn up everywhere, eventually). The train rolls up to the platform, and despite people having waited some 20+ minutes for the train doors to come right in front of them, the assholes who just cut off mothers and children at the turnstile come rushing in front of us who waited, so that they can sneak on the train first and claim their territory. I'm going to assume for a minute that they need this control in their day because, naturally, it's the only thing in their lives they have left to control on their own. That being said, today I said something to the greasy, poorly color-coordinated salesman looking gentleman who cut me off today-- I said "excuse me, buddy (my most hated and condescending fraternal term), but I was here first. I saw you cut off that woman holding her baby. I'm taking this seat." Stunned, he looked like I had ran over his dog and said "jeez, fine". Mission accomplished... except he took the copy of the Metro on the seat that I was eyeing. I guess he thinks he won that "battle" inside his mind.
Let's continue to the single most creepy part of my day--- the actual RIDE to work. If any of you reading this ride the T in Metro Boston, specifically the Green Line, you'll understand this. Amidst the blur of people smelling up my train ride, and my sweating coffee cup sliding all over the filthy train floor, there is one thing that really scares me. The voice on the speakers that we hear every few minutes (or seconds, if you're on the D line). The sound of that real human being's baritone voice being played with robotic delivery, announcing the stops just gives me the chills. It's a vacant, emotionless voice-- and when it says "Hynes Convention Center" it sounds like it's about to cry. Something about that voice... gives me the chills.
I won't be taking the T once I move to a different office location in a few weeks... I'll miss a lot of things about the office I'm in... but that voice, if you can hear it right now... it won't be one of them.
PUNS OF THE DAY
In contrast to my miserable rant, I'd like to end each post with one of my favorite things about my day-- bad puns and jokes. Here are today's "Puns of the Day"
-John McCain is really reaching out to "values voters". The only thing is, the religious right doesn't realize that he really means people whose values are over $5 million when he says "values voters".
-What does a pirate smoke after a lusty romp with a wench? A cigARRRette!!
-(to someone who works at the library) So, do I have to be a member to check you out??
Until next time, take care.
-GR
Today was one of those odd days, the moon's no longer full and everything is just half-cocked crazy instead of teen-wolf howling crazy. I felt like I was observing a lot of things in a more critical way today, but it could just be that it's "hump day" and the week is wearing me out. Either way, I noticed some things... be my sounding board, please-- tell me if I'm out of line.
First off, I despise public transportation. Not the concept, or even the actual ride itself. It's the other people that bother me. I guess you could say I LOVE "mass transit" but HATE "public transportation" as a casualty of semantics. The reality is, no matter what you call it, I can't fucking stand people on their way to wherever it is they go in the morning. Sour faces, too much coffee and cologne stinking up the train, and of course the odd guy who smells like they rolled out of that wet spot under a hospital dumpster (but that guy seems to turn up everywhere, eventually). The train rolls up to the platform, and despite people having waited some 20+ minutes for the train doors to come right in front of them, the assholes who just cut off mothers and children at the turnstile come rushing in front of us who waited, so that they can sneak on the train first and claim their territory. I'm going to assume for a minute that they need this control in their day because, naturally, it's the only thing in their lives they have left to control on their own. That being said, today I said something to the greasy, poorly color-coordinated salesman looking gentleman who cut me off today-- I said "excuse me, buddy (my most hated and condescending fraternal term), but I was here first. I saw you cut off that woman holding her baby. I'm taking this seat." Stunned, he looked like I had ran over his dog and said "jeez, fine". Mission accomplished... except he took the copy of the Metro on the seat that I was eyeing. I guess he thinks he won that "battle" inside his mind.
Let's continue to the single most creepy part of my day--- the actual RIDE to work. If any of you reading this ride the T in Metro Boston, specifically the Green Line, you'll understand this. Amidst the blur of people smelling up my train ride, and my sweating coffee cup sliding all over the filthy train floor, there is one thing that really scares me. The voice on the speakers that we hear every few minutes (or seconds, if you're on the D line). The sound of that real human being's baritone voice being played with robotic delivery, announcing the stops just gives me the chills. It's a vacant, emotionless voice-- and when it says "Hynes Convention Center" it sounds like it's about to cry. Something about that voice... gives me the chills.
I won't be taking the T once I move to a different office location in a few weeks... I'll miss a lot of things about the office I'm in... but that voice, if you can hear it right now... it won't be one of them.
PUNS OF THE DAY
In contrast to my miserable rant, I'd like to end each post with one of my favorite things about my day-- bad puns and jokes. Here are today's "Puns of the Day"
-John McCain is really reaching out to "values voters". The only thing is, the religious right doesn't realize that he really means people whose values are over $5 million when he says "values voters".
-What does a pirate smoke after a lusty romp with a wench? A cigARRRette!!
-(to someone who works at the library) So, do I have to be a member to check you out??
Until next time, take care.
-GR
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)